I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
im calling her cock vulture from now on
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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