You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
