Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
