Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Just cropdusted the office
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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