I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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