so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
