i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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