her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
