Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize