Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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