First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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