It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
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