I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
