Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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