If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
