Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
