**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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