how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
