Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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