I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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