you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
