He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I said "one day" and that day is not today
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
