i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I looked at my own cervix.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
