Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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