Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
