Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
