sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Randomize
