i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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