I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
