ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
