you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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