best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
