btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
