theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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