So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
