I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
