So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize