I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
