omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize