Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My penis needs a shock collar
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
