i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize