It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
