I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
