Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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