May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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