Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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