i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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