My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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