He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
