After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
