before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
