guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Nicole vs. Life
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
