Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I need to sanitize my soul.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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