I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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