i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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