Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
