I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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