first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
