If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
