I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
