I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize