you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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