This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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