those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
