I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize