Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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