Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
