So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
