Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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