ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
