Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
