Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
